Nicole

Been Awhile

2012-01-28T00:15:00.003+08:00

January is finally coming to an end. We've more or less adapted to the environment here in France. Learnt more recipes, burnt some meals and cooked some delicious dishes. We havent made any friends yet.

I've never been so quiet, patient and vulnerable since I came here.

As an outdated update, Nicole Huang curled our hair one boring night. I was reluctant on us all having wavy hair because we already look the same in everyone's eyes. The call us ' Les Quatre Filles Chinois'. Recently we've been upgraded from China citizens to Japanese.

making me laugh while i camwhore

Waves surprisingly still intact despite a long day of activities. In Singapore, my hair would have straightened by the time I wake up.

Nothing on

2012-01-08T20:05:00.008+08:00

(cause i forgot to change out of my PJs before doing laundry)

Its laundry day!!!!!!

I love laundry day. It means I'll have a fresh set of clothes again. Today is also lazy day where I plan to stay at home, lay on my bed and fill my stomach with all things unhealthy..or whatever's going to expire in the fridge. Us girls haven't consumed any proper meat since I can remember. The only proper meal we had was when I made Mee Hoon Kuay for dinner. Oh, that was fun. We all made dinner together eventually because we were all starving! I wonder what we'll have for dinner today...

After my emotional breakdown early in the morning yesterday, I decided to pick myself up and get out of the house. Go visit the lighthouse. We didn't get to the lighthouse but we did get to see the most magnificent view ever. Because Zach and I were climbing and dodging rocks and shit, we were almost out of breath. Talk about a breathtaking view ha ha ha.

I know uploading a picture of my chubby face is quite redundant. I should be spamming pictures of the view I mentioned or maybe even the new washing machine but deep down you know that my face is a much better view.

X O X O

_________________________

My mum says that I'm embarrassing myself because I dont make my bed after I get up and I dont organize my luggage and stuff like the other girls. Truly, I cant be bothered. Whose gonna check out my bed and ogle at my immaculate tidiness? I'm gonna mess it up again when I go to sleep at night anyway. So i'm messy, sue me?

Why am I here? So out of reach.

2012-01-07T21:33:00.001+08:00

Im starting to think all this migraine is because of something else. I've been so exhausted. I havent been eating or sleeping well.

There are so many things im keeping inside too. It'll slowly consume me. Like my sudden vulnerability. I dont like that. It kills me to know i can be that weak. Every tear is a reminder of how much of a fool one can be. The further you fall, the deeper the wound.

These walls, they need to be stronger.

Yikes

2012-01-06T21:45:00.002+08:00

TGIF!

First week of school and so far no classes. I apparently have one on Monday but i'll be alone!! I'm too much of a coward to attend class alone so I would probably skip that. It's the add and drop period anyway and the lecturer was saying its ok if we miss classes. Ain says she feels like a rebel here because we handed up a paper without writing anything but our names. Lol.

We're settling well so far but things are apparently going from bad to worse for me. If you're going to live in a cold weather country for some time, I advise you to invest in bottles of moisturisers. Don't get those water-based types too, useless. My skin is starting to peel and it looks all fugly. To think that the dry weather would mean my pimples would go away...I can be quite the bimbo.

My retainers are supposed to arrive today!! Cant wait to get it back. Ain says I've been moaning in pain and clenching my teeth at night, it scares her.

My school here resembles Hogwarts. The distance between the main building and our classrooms is like the same as Hogwarts castle and Hagrid's hut. The hills, stairs and all. Guess it explains why majority of the students here are slim as hell...

More grocery shopping to do later because I've ran out of drinking water. We cant boil tap water here becaus the water here is just whack. I suppose it's the minerals in their water. There's residue that never goes away. Also, last night I burned a pot while heating up some milk :/ Spent my whole morning scrubbing all the burnt stuff.

Im tired, I smell and I'm feeling sick of all kinds.

2012-01-04T20:30:00.003+08:00

By far one of the most uncomfortable day of my life.

Today is the first day of school here in Skema. We were an hour late because we went down the wrong stop. It's quite depressing to know we're that blur. Its amazing we still manage to get around without getting lost forever. I have my mom to thank for that. Being stranded in the cold for an hour is no joke my friends. Out of all days, I decided to be brave today and bring the thinner jacket. Epic failures of the world unite. (good thing i brought an extra jacket in my bag or else I'd probably die of hypothermia)

No one in school wants to socialise with us well except the nice student leaders here. The other exchange students dont even look at us. We are human too! hahahahahaah wtf. I think the Italian guy at our hotel is more friendly.

Damn i really need my retainers soon. All these teeth shifting is giving me a migraine. Really affects my mood and makes things worst. Reminder to self to get warmer clothes. I feel like a fucking loser here cause I always leave home looking like I just woke up. My clothes look fucking china and i'm carrying a Billabong backpack. HAHA. I regret being super paranoid when I was packing and just take the risk by bringing some of my cooler sungei road bags la. Everyone here looks really good.

Super inferior now :( Hoping for better days..

Keeping All of Yous Updated

2011-12-30T15:20:00.004+08:00

Its day 2 in Nice.

You know those typical French settings with the alleys,tunnels, wet pavement and accordion playing in the background? It's real.

I've had a rainbow of emotions since I entered the gates at Changi Airport. I left with a heavy heart and the point when I really wanted to cry was when my dad called before we took off. It's very difficult to cry with Ain beside me. I really appreciate all of my friends who came to say their last goodbyes at the airport. I was truly touched and feel very loved. Now I just gotta figure out how to display all those polaroids. I know which one I'm keeping in my wallet though ;) (sorry la got double standard)

The air is different here. The smell, the temperature, the atmosphere. The people are so polite and I want to have a proper conversation but I'm so paranoid at the same time. One of my relative's friend told me that if they start talking to you then they're up to something. Anyone could be a bad guy right. Safety comes first k.

They always look at us weird though. Like "OMG ASIANS ARE REAL" kind of look. I wonder if the Caucasians in Singapore feel the same way. That we give them that, what we think is subtle, look of "WAH ANGMOH. K act like not big deal".

View is great. Food is fresh. I would have uploaded pictures if only the usb cables were an arm stretch away. The wifi here is atrocious. One day I'm going to break down because I can't connect to the internet and webcam with the people I want to see. The hours here seem so long.

The girls and I are planning to start a blog to update everyone and anyone about our activities in France (hopefully beyond). It will include the money we've spent and all that shit.

I hate the wifi. Everytime I want to webcam it dies. fuck.

Champion heartwarmer

2011-12-25T05:45:00.004+08:00

CAN YA'LL BEAT THAT? Love you Pasageh.

Merry Christmas everybody!

Hear Ye' Hear Ye'

2011-12-18T00:45:00.001+08:00

Dear friends and beyond,

As I am going overseas in about a week, there are some things I want to say. Firstly, I will miss you. I will think of you once in awhile or every day or sometimes every minute. There wont be a day or week where I wont be thinking of you. You all mean something to me. That's right, you do. I'm a very sentimental person. Thank goodness for technology because if you miss me too, i'm always on facebook, twitter, whatsapp, viber, skype, youtube and even here.

I will camwhore alot so you won't forget my face. I will make videos so you wont forget my voice. I will tweet alot so you won't forget how annoying I am. It will be the same as when I'm here in Singapore on my lazy days when I don't want to meet people.

My absence will be good. I will miss you like crazy and you will miss me more. Then we will all treasure each other's presence more when I come back hahahahaa.

Just please, dont replace me with anyone and I promise I'll do the same.

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

So little time, so much to do, so many to meet.

A Straight-jacket feeling

2011-12-10T22:38:00.004+08:00

I think one way of reaching insanity is the build up of one's insecurities. How do we stop feeling insecure though? Because it is one of those ineluctable feeling right? Even the most confident man can feel extremely insecure. In fact, could he be one hiding the most insecurities? Is insecurity related to confidence?

I guess its all in the head; a mind over matter kind of solution. You just have to remind yourself to not let it take over. It's a scary thing. It could affect your mood, then others'. Then everything is blah and confusing. Is it really a good thing to talk things out with people? I mean..its ok to keep it in if it's not that big of a deal right? I mean..how big must a deal be to be a big deal?

Questions of life, unanswered.

Terminological inexactitude.

2011-12-04T21:51:00.003+08:00

How's it been people?

I hope everything is fine with all of you. If you're going through a rough time, I wish you resilience. If you're having a blast, I wish it will last longer than Kim Kardashian's marriage.

As for me, life's been kind :)

Thanks ya'lls for listening to my first world problems

2011-11-04T21:48:00.004+08:00

This image pretty much sums up my life today. The fact that it automatically uploaded this HUGE and cant be minimized is just a.. a fucking stab in the heart. Nuff' said. I will never forget today. The day when.....cant say yet.

It's you and me Flinda. Let's get wasted then marry each other. Love you, miss you. Aths, you be our first adopted baby k.

___________________________

#sadviolinsplaylist #stillhappyforya'lls

Pre Halloween Fail

2011-10-25T18:48:00.004+08:00

My birthday, Halloween and Christmas. These are my favourite days of the year.

Last week, Tiara, Munirah and I decided to attend this Halloween party and no offence but it sucked. Firstly we came overdressed and people thought we came from the haunted house but that's not the point. It was a massive fail for me the moment I heard how they butchered Michael Jackson's classic Thriller with really bad dub step.

I honestly think the "party" wouldn't have been that bad if they didn't overkill on all that dub step. I mean gees get some variation...or am I missing the point?

In the background you can see me giving a sly smile and waving my wand around. In the end, I kept teasing Munirah with my lame wand innuendos.

Vampire, Monroe and Zatanna

I don't support that Mean Girls theory where Halloween is an excuse to dress really slutty and get away with it though.

Well at least it was a change from the norm and I've realized some things are official. That is, Bob's parties are the best.

Hello Ms. Pera Noid.

2011-10-19T01:08:00.004+08:00

Have you ever experienced those moments where you text a million people but not a single soul replies for up to an hour?

I call that The Twilight Zone*.

Why does it even happen? Do you think I'm my own Bermuda Triangle? I mean it's so surreal sometimes. I get this long periods of silence and then suddenly all the replies come ringing consecutively. It's especially annoying when I really need help and they reply when its too late. I'm not stupid to not assume that the problem may be a technical fault. After years of Twilight Zones I'm pretty sure it has nothing to do with them phones. Sim card? Plausible.

The term I so"originally" coined may sound cool but to experience it personally is quite depressing, I kid you not.

*Inspired by the old TV series and not the book about love drunk vampires, pedo-wolves and a clingy woman. WHY DO I KNOW SO MUCH?

If you were a planet, you'd be Uranus.

2011-10-14T04:46:00.007+08:00

My brother asked me to compose a song to go along with some chords he stringed together. I don't know why he comes to me for these kind of things, really. Mummy says it's because he looks up to me but how does that even..i dont..nevermind. I wish I was a lyrical genius but if that was true I wouldn't be where I'm at. Nonetheless, I never put down challenges because ultimately I never want to know I gave up on something before I even try. (#optimismsiol #self-believe #doIsounddouchey?)

I read my old posts for inspiration. There's just something intense in the past because my life is really laid back now then it was before. I think I kinda lost the novelty of youth (which is sad dont you think?). Mostly everything now is the same damn thing with just a little variation. I even hear myself say this all the fucking time.

Anyway reading my old posts have highlighted a few things I've learnt in my, numerically short but occasionally seems like an eternity on earth, life.

Some feelings I noticed, never went away. While some feelings are long forgotten but the people are still around. Some feelings were never defined and remain that way til today. Things that seemed so hard to let go, are so insignificant now. It's hard to believe that I once thought I can never live without someone but now they'd be the last person I want to see. Things that I used to be so worried about or things I wished so hard to get, really feels pointless now.

Still, when I do think about it.. I suppose those things were essential in my physical and mental development. Cliche but true; they make up the person I am today.

Funny how I totally deviated from my original point which was to write a song. Trawl Lawl lawl lawl lawl.

Is It Just Me Or...?

2011-10-10T02:43:00.003+08:00

I don't know about you guys but I like to delete my recent actions on Facebook just so it looks neater and I don't get a headache looking at my profile. What? You don't do that? Pfft. Well you're just neat now aren't you! (ignoring the fact that my room is still a sty)

It used to be all "Are you sure you want to delete post?" but now it's all "Hide this action...". It's not a big issue but it has definitely put me in an unnecessary dilemma.

I feel uncomfortable knowing I'm hiding stuff for some reason. It just gets to me. Over-thinking, much.

If I don't hide it then I'll cringe every time I see my profile.

It's tearing me apart really.

Best Laugh of The Night

2011-10-06T03:27:00.007+08:00

I was fiddling with my Skype settings earlier tonight and there was a prompt to set my display picture, one that the public will see and I did. (I sign in occasionally when I realise that little Skype icon is looking dusty and lonely.)

After a while I remembered a conversation way back about skype and usernames so I decided to add that friend whom I shared the conversation with.. Little did I know that decision would screw up my body clock again.

It was a combo WTF moment. Look at my precious face. First I was surprised by my status claiming " I want clear skin". Few minutes later that ancient display picture of me with my pimple cream popped up.

Sometimes I wonder if I've a split personality who sets up all these pranks for me just so I would laugh my bedtime away. Nasty.

I Recalled Being Happy About Something But Now I've Sadly Forgotten What It Was

2011-09-29T06:27:00.004+08:00

I love you girls. How can I ever live without ya'll? Who else knows me so well? Who else would allow me to rant and vent my anger anytime I want? ;) It may be the PMS talking right now but everytime I see us together I feel like crying tears of joy. HAHAHAH.

I love that we've kept out friendship going all these years and strengthen our sisterly bond through all our rants and advices in Whatsapp. It isn't real life without the constant notification beep and waking up to 48 new messages.

So it doesn't sound very touching what with the virtual socialising but we do what we can!

Lastly, a random picture of Fat Chad looking like he's giving zero fuck.

Hehe hi aths.

N.T.S Seriously stop eating so much.

In What World?

2011-09-18T05:12:00.006+08:00

Really, who am I? Who am I to you? Who am I in this world? Who am I TO the world?

I do apologise to all whom I've been missing in action from. I can't say why. Maybe not yet. If you care, I'm fine. Just bothered...as usual. I haven't died, I haven't left the country. I've just been away. Away is all I got, all I'm sure of anyway.

On a lighter note, I'm going to pick up cooking during the remainder of my holidays. Long time ago, girls my age were breastfeeding and cooking for their own family. I always thought if I was going to marry(in the distant future), my husband would do the cooking. Alas, I shamelessly failed to consider the possibility that I may have to cook for my own survival before marriage and not solely rely on Mum's cooking and instants. Since I'll have to be all independent and shizz when I get to Europe, I'm going to see if I'm one of those ladies who belong in the kitchen.

P/S To my future spouse, you're still making the sandwiches.

_____________________

Similar but worlds apart.

Goodbye Buddy

2011-09-16T02:43:00.004+08:00

Long haired, blonde streak, skinny, arrogant, eccentric prick. That's how I'll remember you best. Goodbye Frutti Tutti. Have a safe trip to Narnia. I'll miss knowing I have you around although I'm sorry it got weird. You taught me loads. See ya!

This maybe a useless goodbye but at least it's sincere.

:D :D :D :D

2011-08-27T00:21:00.005+08:00

HAHHAAHAHAHAHA OH LORD. This face just cracks me up all the time!

Guys, I'm really happy. It's the holidays! I know it's already been a few weeks in but whatever, I'm telling you now I'm really happy. I just absolutely love the holidays even if all I have planned for is to sleep the day away. It's the fact that I can afford to do it! BAHAHAHA. Happiest person alive right now.

I've lost count of the days. Lost track of time. You could even say, I've lost a bit of my sanity. I'm sorry I haven't made plans and I'm sorry I haven't been attending any outings. Its really simple. No dough=no out. NAH I KID! I just don't feel like seeing some people knowing I'll see other people I don't want to see.

PEACE OUT MAFACKAS

_________________________________

p/s contrary to my statement above

it would be lovely to see my homegirls,

you know who you are.

Fish, Moon, Ath, Crown. CALL ME~

HAZEL I HOPE ALL IS FINE IN CHINA.

Came back, gone back.

2011-08-23T06:30:00.008+08:00

You're gone, I'm numb.

You're back, I'm dumb.

When I fall, I call.

Then we're drinking and rapping.

We fight, we make up.

We talk, we break up.

You ask, I run.

I run, you hide.

Gone are all those days.

Gone are all those nights.

And now, you're gone for real..

Insane isn't it? How we try to erase memories and severe ties that we once wanted so bad to establish? With all our mood swings, rejections and failed attempts to break away, it's funny how fate or some unexplainable force just pulls us back to the same spot. Over and over again. There's always so much tension between us that I suppose those momentary absence became a necessity. We have so much chemistry but I've always thought it's such a waste on you. Don't say I've never given you a chance. I did. Not plenty, but I sure did.

Maybe we're missing the bigger picture or maybe I'm avoiding it. After all this time, have you ever wondered that maybe we're just not. meant. to. work? No, I bet you'd disgree. Our opinions always conflicted even though our thoughts were in sync. You didn't have to ask if I love/d you. You always knew I did and you always knew I wouldn't admit it.

But sadly or not, cause I'm incapable of feelings now, I can't force myself to be IN love with you; as cliché as it sounds. Hence the demise of whatever relationship we ever have/had.

(blablabla love is a feeling whatever stfu)

Enough with the half-fucked goodbyes right? May this be our final farewell my friend, or more than friend, well..we never knew what we were anyway.

____________________________________

You were only waiting for this moment to be free

Oh so this is it.

2011-08-07T22:37:00.002+08:00

I know what love is when I hear Freddie sing.

BTW, IT'S THE HOLIDAYS!! Hello sleep debt. KACHING!

___________________________

I make friends with the weirdest of people.

People don't appreciate this kind of weird.

I Am Just Bi-Winning In Life.

2011-08-04T00:26:00.009+08:00

You know what sucks?

Being misunderstood.

You know what sucks even more?

That you can't explain yourself because it's probably too late, lost the urgency, no point... the list goes on my friend and I know you know. Plus I'm too self-conscious for my own good sometimes.

I'm not someone who would go all out to explain myself anyway unless I felt like it's urgent. I give up half way because talking things through feels like too much effort for something that's even sort of broken. I just let things slip away and let time heal whatever needs healing. Hoping that one tequila induced night, the alcohol would break down the wall we built and give us enough confidence to express our honest opinions. Right chik? HAHAHA

See, the sad thing about me is things get through to me slow and I mean YEARS slow. I just have too much on my mind all the time that there's this lag in my thoughts and feelings. Even when I go through a break up for example, I'll feel numb for the longest time. So don't ask me how I feel. I'll just give an answer I want to hear and months(even years) later feel all emotional realising what just happened few months back.

The reason I'm saying all these is cause some things that happened not so long ago...it's only starting to add up in my head. There's a reason why I always blank out when people suddenly come up to me telling me a whole load of stuff. It's because I really don't know what's going on. I do get bits of it here and there but I never fully understand WHY something is an issue at that moment. I guess that's what happens when your motto is "just take it and go". You let go of things too fast to make sense of it all. Though, funny how the same doesn't apply to school work.

So hey, dude-who-did-some-unspeakable-things-in-the-pool

Now that things are clearer in my cluttered head. I can safely say I wasn't hurt, just extremely confused. I even started to believe what people were telling me and stopped listening to myself. All I ever expected from the very beginning was nothing more but friends. It's all I can handle at that time, now and the near future.

I don't know how things have escalated to the awkward point we're at now but some little bird said some things that made me realised how the situation was/is badly misunderstood. I'm sorry I have to say it here because I don't have enough balls, none at all literally, to approach you. Shit, I can't even look at you because I'm too embarrassed at my retarded pace of absorbing and putting things together. I'm not expecting that things would change but I sincerely hope things get better. It's turning me into this gawky, uncomfortable person.

FRIENDLY hugs, girl-who-did-some-unspeakable-thing-at-the-stairs

But you know what doesn't suck?

My phone bill. The perks of being single :D

Swear to god it's real. Yeah probably some glitch happened at the telcom. company but this made up for an awful July.

____________________________________

The irony of how I just explained myself to

someone who probably won't even read

my outdated explanation.

Sirius Black: Until The End.

2011-08-01T21:47:00.004+08:00

Today, I watched Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows part 2 for the third time. I promised my mum I'll watch it with her because this is, as they say, the end. It's only classic to end it the way we began. Watching the movie.. together. (no pun intended hahahhaah "C'MON TOM, LET'S FINISH THIS THE WAY WE STARTED, TOGETHAAA")

After the third time, I still feel it was a waste they didn't show more of the battle. Like how Fred, Lupin and Tonks died. It just didn't do the characters justice. Also, I STILL can't help crying everytime I see Fred and George at the tower and later, Fred's dead body.

I've never watched any movie in the cinema more than once but for this I don't mind. I'm doing it as a loyal fan saying goodbye to the Harry Potter series. Always find it hard to leave knowing that it might be the last time I hear 'Leaving Howarts' echoing in the hall of a cinema.

Possibility of the Impossible.

2011-08-01T03:19:00.007+08:00

Could one be homesick and be at home at the same time? Yes.

There was a moment of sad envy when I read the caption on this picture. Apparently my cousins bumped into each other in town and had dinner together afterwards. Never would this happen back here in Singapore. My heart is too familiar with this longing. When will I get to see them again?

It almost feels like never. Vanessa's laughter feels further than a distant memory. I can vaguely recall Christopher's jokes. Us cousins sitting at Nenek's staircase, occupying every step. Peeking at each other while the family recite prayers for our daily meal. The little kids waiting outside my room. My little baby Glorance, probably not so little anymore. God, I miss her smile.

Why does my own family feel like a dream?

____________________________________________________________________

Meanwhile in Singapore,

pictures where I owe myself an explanation..

^ role reversal (my brother is Rosey/Carly, hint: thick lips)

Fuck, was I high?

The Drawbacks of Being Single 101

2011-07-31T04:26:00.003+08:00

No one to take care of you when your cramps hurt like a bitch and you have to stay up all night to do work.

#attachedtowork

Yummeh!

2011-07-26T21:24:00.003+08:00

Has anyone watched The Little Chocolatier? I AM SO AMUSED!!!!

I salivate at all the chocolate projects. Omg.

I'm a singing poet.

2011-07-24T20:50:00.009+08:00

2 weeks, I can almost smell freedom. They smell like honeydew. In about a month's time I will be temporarily free from academic demands and will be able to pursue my lifelong dream of being a songwriter. I will write about songs that will touch your soul and make you nod with every line. I will compose songs that will put your head between your knees and cry in a ball as you reminisce all the pain in your life. I will also write of songs that will make you smile because it happened. I've been extremely busy but during this dark times transpired a line for inspiration. A line fashioned from the wounds of my heart and a flair for poetry. Behold, this line I speaketh of;

"You and her are meant to be while I was just an in-between"

HAHAHA NAH I TROLL. ME? SONGWRITER?

THE TALE OF THE EPIC FAIL

2011-07-24T03:41:00.007+08:00

LAME!!!!

I don't believe in Love. I mean it's not like a sudden thought or whatever. I've just never felt it really existed beyond family and a few friends. I guess that explains why relationships and me don't make a good equation. Whatever, I guess I must have felt it once or twice. It might not have been love or it might have been, but it was definitely more than 'like' and not just infatuation. Maybe one day I will truly with all my heart and soul believe in it but the picture is, and I assure you with my ALL my heart and soul, lame.

Now what is puppy love? Why is the term love in there? SO fucking ironic and mushy.

_________________________

Like Gwen Stacy to Peter Parker,

Rosaline to Romeo

THE NIGHT IS YOUNG, WE CAN SHOOT A RUSSIAN UNICORN

2011-07-24T03:29:00.003+08:00

What in the world happened to my tolerance for sleepless nights? Like now when I don't need to sleep, here I am wide awake. Yet at the most crucial time, sleep is the first thing on my mind. Hate that and HATE is a strong word. I never used to be like this. Am I like..old? Lechum, lechum, lechum ooo la la.

HOLYMOTHEROFFUCKINFIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!

2011-07-20T01:50:00.002+08:00

I could just explode right now. I swear.

So unprepared, such a mess!!!!!!!!!

SO FUCKING TIRED.

How Now Frown Town?

2011-07-18T01:14:00.007+08:00

1:10am I'm supposed to be writing my personal insight on the latest mutlicam assignment but I seriously have nothing to say. I have nothing close to 50 words to comment on my team mates either. I am just that satisfied with their contribution and felt nothing during the assignment.

What is a personal insight without feelings?

1:16am Telling myself that if I complete my insight and appraisal by 1.30 I will be rewarded with durian.

1:32am Well I guess no durian for me then. Only done with peer appraisal.

1:46am Re-edited peer appraisal. Whatever, going to reward self with some durian.

2.44am After an hour of procrastination and many distractions, I can now say my work is done. Now to take a cold shower and change my sheets.

Farewell loyal readers, I hope you have enjoyed my narrated schedule. You now know what I do on a Sunday night or an early Monday morning. I'm sure it has made great impact on your life.

Obliviate

2011-07-16T03:38:00.005+08:00

Totally. Unmotivated.

Now.

Is this real life?

Whatever bro, I take it and go.

2011-07-09T19:20:00.006+08:00

A picture to sum up the week would be this.

Out of all the cups, I had to get one without a hole. You may not realise this but this is a lesson in life. Had I been more attentive, I would have noticed this and avoided purchasing this particular cup. Similarly, if I was more attentive I would do better in life and certain things could have been avoided. It was meant to be this way so I could learn from my mistake. Just like how shit happens in life so you can learn from it and grow right? Ha ha ha you're so philosophical Nicole.

I have never been overwhelmed by so many emotions than this week. I recalled Ain asking me how I felt about something(which ironically, I can't for the life of me remember what about)and I said "Nope. I just wanted to dig a deep hole and hide in there forever"

At the end of this week, I have someone or a few whom I owe so much to. Dearest Tiara Hadi, I simply cannot fathom how I'd survive without your existence as my best friend. I really appreciate your efforts to listen to my nonsense and always remind me that you have my back. I sang a song for you and I uploaded it in my Youtube channel but now i'm shy so I privatised it hehe. Maybe when I do a better one I'll upload it in this post. I miss having you in school. I was watching our videos in my old phone and my heart really ached. You and Moons are the only ones who knew what to say and do whenever I'm down. I think I might have taken that for granted in the past because now I've realised what it feels like without you two.

I miss having them hug me and tiara sing to me. I love how their honest with me yet will never be against me. I have no idea how its going to be without them in France. Where you girls at? Meet me.

Also, shout out to Afiq Malik who also bothers to listen to my crap on the way home eventhough some of it hurts him.

Whatever it is, i accept all their advice and i'm keeping calm and carrying on. Life is too short to dwell on stuff.

_____________________________

Laughter, you know they say it's the best medicine.

Sorting Hat Please

2011-07-07T13:53:00.006+08:00

"Erikson described those going through an identity crisis as exhibiting confusion. They often seem to have no idea who or what they are, where they belong or where they want to go. They may withdraw from normal life, not taking action or acting as they usually would at work, in their marriage or at school. They may even turn to negative activities, such as crime or drugs, as a way of dealing with identity crisis. To someone having an identity crisis, it is more acceptable to them to have a negative identity than none at all ^[1]."

- Identity Crisis

An excerpt from Wikipedia on identity crisis isn't a very flattering way to begin a post. Is it weird that it explains my situation perfectly? I suppose it makes me sound crazy and probably even asking for pity. If I really am mad, well at least I'll have a legit excuse. If I'm asking for pity, what's the point?

See, I don't quite get the part about preferring to have a negative identity than none at all. I don't feel that it's necessary to adopt one no matter how lost I am. Or perhaps I haven't got to that stage? Some confident part of me says whatever it is I'm going through has nothing to do with having an identity crisis. Yet, at the fact that there's a psychological term coined for such a feeling reflects otherwise. Just the sound of the word itself and knowing its under studies concerning mental processes makes me feel like I need a straitjacket.

Also, considering that I've been feeling this way a lot since the start of semester 2 last year does worry me a little. My only comfort is the generic advice that all these are just parts and parcels of adolescence. That one day, like everything else, this too will pass. I'm beginning to think that "this will pass" is not a very helpful advice. I think it's more of a comforting thought than an advice but it's nice to hear.

I can't help but notice the line about withdrawing from normal life. It's what I do best. Withdrawal. Then again when I do think about it, doesn't everyone have a point where we choose to detach ourselves from something or everything? Does that inevitably mean that at that point, we were having an identity crisis?

Maybe this is just a phase. I will get over this moment in life where I feel like I'm stuck in a vacuum. Starting from now I will instil several changes in my life temporarily until I find myself again. Quite frankly, I feel as though I'm very close to insanity but you know, so are geniuses so I guess its okay. Lol I kid (i say lol sarcastically) but I do admit to feeling constantly frustrated and embarrassed at myself. This just will not do, I mean look at me, I'm awesome.

Thus it begins with the abstinence from my good friends Jose, Jack and Jim. I'll even have to let Tiger and all his friends go. Just for a little while. Dear friends, and by this I mean real friends not one I consume, please help me and don't tempt me.

Thank you, I lav you \m/

Elope

2011-07-04T20:29:00.001+08:00

Ahh my departure. My escape is here. The answer is France.

Been There, Done That.

2011-07-04T20:17:00.005+08:00

Nope I'm not in the mood for this.

I don't need this..this mess.

I don't need to be out.

I don't want to drink.

No.

All I want is to sleep it off.

Erase it all.

Begin like how it was meant to be.

I'm fine as it is.

I am no one.

In every situation,

it's always better when I'm out of the picture.

My silence is the world's peace.

I know.

Please, forget me.

Leave me be.

As I have already..forgotten me.

What's wrong with the weirdo?

2011-07-02T16:55:00.008+08:00

Sometimes I wonder if I'm really mad. I think I'm the girl with the crazy eyes. Who goes to school with a red wig? Who goes to school in a Spiderman's costume? And by that I mean the kind you buy at the pasar malam when you were like 5. I mean, the other day I didn't even know I cut my fringe until I saw this picture.

I am aware it appears as though the wig is giving me head.

I was looking through some old documents dwelling within my memory space and came across this old video. What was I thinking?

Yeah, I find myself asking myself that question alot. Just check out the aggressive air guitar solo bro.

In any case, yesterday I went to Esplanade library after school and my god I think my jaw broke? I was so awe-stricken and going all :O at everything. When I got home I told my mummy I wanted to live there if I could.

No wonder Aths always studied there back in secondary school. So beautiful :') Man, I'm too easily amused.

Rage Quit

2011-06-26T04:48:00.003+08:00

Well now this is retarded...
This is what i hate about falling asleep in the evening. There'll be a chance that i'll wake up in the middle of the god damn night.

I havent been feeling myself lately. I think I haven't realised what I can be doing. Like blogging at 5am cause I cant fall asleep. But no seriously. It just hit me how I can afford to be a little more selfish, more friendy, more whatever I wish without having to live up to anyone's expectations and all that jazz. I am, after all, free of all shackles.

Life is great :)

Wear Your Shell Suit on Bonfire Night

2011-06-25T15:09:00.006+08:00

Last year I helped Violet with a presentation for RP lecturers together with Bahrom and Zahir. We got a Starbucks voucher that expired a day after my birthday this year. Me being me, I left it in my 2010 organizer and forgot all about it.

I was devastated ok. Starbucks voucher!

This year I graciously agreed to help her out yet again. It seems Violet has a knack for making my dreams come true. HAHA. Well when I was a kid I wanted to be a model (after a doctor). I always enjoyed presenting too. I was ambitious, I know. What happened to that man? Anyway being a little narcissistic,

Transformed into a goddess. (I know I'm a troll)

TROLOLOL LOOK AT THIS. Real estate agent portrait 101.

I give you great prices for HDB island wide.

This time I'm going to stick the new voucher on my wall so I wont forget it. I'll even put it as a reminder on my phone. Yeah pretty obvious right? I got a new voucher! WOOO. HAHAH. BYEBYE. SLEEP LIAO.

OH and i've been humming this song alot lately. #thingsyoudidntneedtoknow

Where the demons from my past leave me in peace

2011-06-24T12:50:00.002+08:00

I am happy to be free. I am happy to be me. I am happy to have had the chance to party. To escape and completely, even for a moment, be who I want to be. Or even, be free of who I have to be.

But now it's back to reality. And reality tells me, that I have to let go and let god. I think reality is my conscience. Yet something else tells me not to hold back. It whispers it's my time to do whatever I wish. I'm too young to think of consequences. At least matters concerning our heart. Too soon to say? Who are they to judge? We all want happiness.

My head is right. Right? To conceal so well, or so I think, of what I feel. Because in this world, when they know how you really feel, they do what they can to break that wall. Make you vulnerable. Break your heart. Claim to be sorry and then leave you picking up the pieces. Then again, the world has seen more than I will ever know. Maybe the world knows better. I don't think anyone really knows what I'm getting at...

All I'm saying is I'm terrified and uncertain. I spend many nights praying, the fears and insecurity, all that away. I don't wish to take anyone's liberty away anymore. Don't string me along.

My House Is A Jungle

2011-06-17T15:30:00.006+08:00

This is unreal.

Could I have woken up in a different dimension today? A box of KoKo crunch cereal remains unopened for almost a week. In my home, a delicacy like that would be devoured within a day. 2 max. Could it be?

That's it then. It must be evil.

It's taunting me. Staring at me every time I enter the kitchen. I can see in KoKo's eyes, or whatever that monkey-bear is called, the evil schemes he's plotting against me. Therefore his shell must be ripped and disposed of. His insides consumed, IMMEDIATELY.

Day 1

Day 4

Nobody dares touch the shell of the monkey-bear. Look at its face! This evil creature is a danger to my family. Obviously they are trying to hide their fear. Everyone's trying to be strong for each other. His voice haunts me at night.

" POOF! IT BECAME KOKO KRUNCH"

Today, this agony cannot be tolerated no longer. I have, no, I MUST battle with the monkey-bear and show him who's boss. Corps-a-corpse if need be. No one messes with the Mairon.

ANGAR!

I fought bravely.

Left a bowl of its insides and a piece of its shell outside to warn the other monkey-bears. It's a standard procedure. Smart.

You think I'm stupid enough to leave a bowl of delicious KoKo out there for so long? I pour in lactose acid to rid of its evil and filth. Now it can't even multiply to an intermediate mutation.

You think warriors are neat?

Behold.

The picture is so vile that it cannot be rotated. Remember that on this day, Nicole braved the evil monkey-bear. A one man showdown with only one seemingly useless weapon. My gallantry should be honoured with a statue but its okay. I have shared this story for all to know of this great battle.

Let it be known that my family can now sleep safely.

Thanks so much for your help Zach.

Fuck Nicole.

2011-06-16T11:58:00.001+08:00

So close. So close to an Okay day.

Now my body is tired.

My head feels fried.

You people are talking,

and my mind is racing,

but I don't know what to say.

We're a mess. All of us.

Inside, we're all tripping.

We wishing and hoping for things that only might happen.

When we fuck up we start blaming, our insecurities flaring.

Fuck all that cause I believe "In God we trust".

Yeah, I'm no freaking saint,

but I'm sane enough to know what's real.

I don't get why you're accusing me.

Saying things that I've never thought of.

Never would have.

What's the deal?

But its cool. I get it.

You my bestie and my bro.

You had a bad day, I have mine.

I just thought that you should know.

X O X O

-NML

Something About A Birthday

2011-06-11T23:41:00.008+08:00

I always knew that birthdays are special. I truly appreciate how my friends had put in effort to make sure I had a great day. From a simple wish to a movie treat, at the end of the day I could say for sure that I had enjoyed my birthday :)

Ain, Van, Nyna, Kendy & Mas filled up a ziplock bag with some of the most random things ever. Now I'm supposed to guess who gave what.

Sweet right? Hung's face sure brought the card to life.

There is only one person in class whom I've had a pretty long conversation with about socks. So I'm certain this is from Van. Bet she bought that card from Narnia. (which is also another inside joke)

Thanks Narnia for the birthday cake. Was it black forest? I see what you did there.

OK so Nyna accidentally told me that the bangles were from Ain. I assume the yellow band(or bookmark? kinda looks like a bookmark.) is also from Ain because it looks very Thailand and we all know how Ain is OBSESSED with all things Thai.

She also bought me a fruit cake from subway. I KNOW RIGHT? A fruit cake from SUBWAY? Who knew.

This and 2 bottles of grape flavoured Yakult from Mas. It came in handy when I was really thirsty after school and realised I left my bottle at home. You'll never go wrong if you get a girl eyeshadow! or maybe it's just me.

From Nyna & Kendy right? Really thoughtful stuff. No doubt the tissue's from Nyna because I was asking her for tissue the day before my birthday(very funny nyna). I always wear rings and Kendy ALWAYS prints pictures for someone's birthday. There was also a packet of caramel pretzel bits which I'm guessing is from Nyna. The keychain, now that got me thinking..

Girls I just need to ask..Balloon, why?

"Boss's stash, touch & you'll get bitten"

ME BOSS U NOT

Ms Ang's present . It was also her birthday!

Also celebrating their birthday on 7 June, Mark, who gave me peach flavoured Barcardi Breezer.

From Bahrom & Moons. They surprised me one night with a dozen donuts and bottle of sparkling juice. I was really surprised!

I like the part when I shit bricks as I tried to figure out why Moons, who was standing at the end of my bed, looked so familiar.

The first gift of the day from Weiming :) He remembered how excited I was when I saw the quill at ArtFriend! Thanks for coming all the way to surprise me in the morning too. Now all I need to get is that robe from Song & song, an owl and EXPELLIARMUS!

Thank you all for your gifts and treats!

I be at the National Museum Ya'll

2011-05-28T02:07:00.003+08:00

So this is me, riding a carousel on the edge of eighteen having the time of my life.

Everyone knows I'm a birthday person. Meaning I love celebrating birthdays, especially mine. In fact, I don't even need to celebrate my birthday to love the day simply because I was born that day back in '92. I love everything about it. Though I no longer believe in horoscopes, I'm proud to be a Gemini. Gemini's are so great.

Some of my friends are already asking me what I want for my birthday. Seriously guys? What happened to the element of surprise? HAHAHA I kid but they got me thinking..

What exactly do I want for my birthday?

I always get a tingling sensation beneath the layers of skin and muscle whenever I hear them ask me that. I can feel it somewhere, whatever it is I want, but I can't put a finger to it. "It's nothing materialistic", I tell them. I really don't know what I want for my birthday this year. I've thought about it a lot since the year started. "I want to party like there's no tomorrow" but there has to be a tomorrow because I have shit to submit on the week of my birthday, I think.. And its seemingly impossible knowing that my friends are all busy since it's a school week.

"I've been celebrating without/with lack of alcohol for the past few years, it's time to get the party started" Again.. not practical.

Reading between the lines I think I know what I want for my birthday this year and it's just an assumption but I think what I really want is....to get high.

Hahhahahahahah. OK anyway my hair looks great in these pictures.

I hope my hair looks super great on my birthday like the middle picture. That's probably what I want for my birthday.

___________________________________________________________

SO after some thinking I finally found out something I want that is tangible.

Boy you got my heartbeart running away

2011-05-27T01:25:00.001+08:00

Urgh.

:( I'm feeling extremely frustrated now that I can't seem to get my usual score of above 500k in Zuma Blitz. Also adding to my frustration is how I just don't have the flair of mixing on virtual DJ. This is bad. I mean, me getting flustered over minor shit like this. My face just relaxed and I can feel the frown lines on my forehead. It was only at the point where I started grunting at my low zuma blitz score that something popped in my head like a new notification on FB.

I feel like I'm trying really hard to prove something to myself. Come to think of it, I've been feeling that way ever since this semester started. Trying to maintain whatever I have is getting to me. I can literally feel my hair growing white and the throb of every nerve in my temple. That, is the price you pay for success I guess.

If you want the gold, find the rainbow. (clearly I'm trying to act cool coming with a phrase meant to hold deep meaning but ya idk..fail?)

Before I bid ya'll farewell for the night.. As I was transferring some pictures from my phone to my laptop I came across some pictures secretly taken that made me smiled and thought, "Haahaha this is how I look like when I'm chillin? How unlady like. "

The Awkward Moment

2011-05-25T02:13:00.002+08:00

The awkward moment when someone you don't know pokes you. Seriously, he's not even one of my Facebook friends hahaha.

FML with all these pimples emerging from the useless late nights. F. m. l

I Dont Have PE Shorts

2011-05-23T00:44:00.003+08:00

TA-DAH~! Hot pink shorts.

My first athletic shorts that isn't bought from school for P.E class. My mum reckons it's funny to get me an OUTSTANDING colour so that people can spot the slowest runner in the 2.4km NAPFA test that I might be required to take.

I really needed to get myself shorts meant specifically for sports because as I have realised it, I do not own any. People kept suggesting my old P.E shorts but dude it's been 3 years since I last had P.E. Also you had no idea how lame I was back then, not that I am any cooler now. My P.E shorts are all loose and baggy now. They are impossible to wear. By that I mean the elastic bands have long expired hahahahaa.

So yes, very funny mum.

What I've done

2011-05-21T23:09:00.003+08:00

So this is me, bare faced. Flaws and all.

In light of recent events, there are certain facts that I've come to realise about myself on both ends of the good and bad spectrum. You may not agree with me on everything but hey buddy, this is my life, I know it and own it.

I am that kind of person.

The kind of person that you see socialising a lot. The kind who seems to know everyone along the corridor. He/she never fails to be smiling or waving and greeting people you don't know and you ask him/her, "How do you know these people?" He/she then smiles and mutter how they and stranger met. The fact as you know it, is that his/her social circle is big and you think to yourself, "Ahh the fun he/she must have".

Despite all these people I have around me. It has dawned upon me how lonely I really am. I have best friends. I have friends who support me in everything. I have friends who will back me up. These friends, I only have a few. When this few are gone, I have no one. No one who understands me. No one who wont judge. No one I wont be judged hanging out with. No one I can hang out with. No one who wants me around without a motive.

I am only around people for comfort and sanity. Only for the company that I crave. Only for social obligations. You see what I mean when I say that Humans are pathetic?

Therefore, I don't believe that someone will be there forever. I don't believe it when anyone tells me that they'll be there for me when I need them. Such things, are nothing but wishful thinking. There is no such thing in the world.

On the contrary, I revel in this loneliness.

So Much For Bedtimes

2011-05-11T00:00:00.003+08:00

In relation to my previous post, about the "stinky secret"...so much for Tomorrow huh. Just wanted to tell you guys about the experience I had sitting at the basement of North Point after school one day.

I was really hungry so before I joined the queue at the bus interchange I decided to buy myself some egg tarts. (love egg tarts!) Had to find a place to sit right? So i sat in between this old man who was stoning and this lady who was talking on the phone really loudly. It was the only seat.

At the moment I was about to savour the fine crust of the egg ta.. HOLY MOTHER OF 5 wtf is that smell? GLUE? Yes, it smelled of glue. "Must be the stoning old man..right?..I mean..he's stoning..that's why.." Then the smell got more intense. It was almost fatal. My body was on fight or flight. Fight the smell, or flee from the invisible stink bomb. Which was when I turned to see the big sized lady sitting on my left taking off her slippers and with her bare feet in all it's wrinkly glory, rests on the bench.

COULD IT BE... her feet that smelled like glue? Holy shit I can almost smell it now.

In other news, many things worry me.

Suddenly I don't Sleep No More

2011-05-06T01:15:00.003+08:00

I'm starting to believe the girls are right..it's gonna be time of the month soon. It explains all the major mood swings, constant hunger and emerging pimples.

AIYA JIA LAT, tomorrow entreprenuership...finance officer..

Tomorrow I'm going to tell you guys a stinky secret. Tsk, nothing to do with farts.

Entrepreneurial Woes

2011-05-02T15:49:00.009+08:00

On Friday we had our first class on Entrepreneurship. Now to be honest I've always felt that entrepreneurship was interesting and will benefit you in any way. Never did I expect myself to leave class so silent and demoralized that day. I always thought I'd look forward for a class like that but in the coming hours before Entrepreneurship module, I could feel my heart sink.

some emo pic to add drama

Now before anything, I don't have any issues with my group. It's just me. (at this moment

i'm craving pasta HAHA WHAAT mood spoiler) To be honest I was super disheartened when we drew lots and I got the role I NEVER want and I think it's safe to say I never will. I mean Chief Finance Officer? For fuck's sake I failed maths all my life. I retook the fuckin O's paper and i got a C for finance module. I'm a number bimbo ok? Why can't someone who has more confidence in numbers take the role instead?

Cause it's my fault. I was too much of a coward to speak up for another role anyway and half our team was too indecisive on which role to take. Idk what in the fucking world possessed me to say "It's just a title" . I mean?????????????????????????????? Seriously Nicole? STFU! Ok la in some ways it IS just a title but when Mr Lecturer gave us the ICA brief with all the detailed tasks for each role I was like HOLY beep beep beep beep beep beep FMLFMLFMLFML. I was pretty much quiet throughout the whole class after that but really, inside I was the loudest person in that tutorial room. I was all She-Hulk and no one knew. Yeah.

Inside I was thinking, " Huh... well, should have thought about it before drawing lots". I just felt that this role assigning thing is more important than how we took it. Assigning the right role for everyone means efficiency. Gosh i don't even want to continue talking about this. Whatever. I'm an idiot.

It also just hit me that despite all the interest, I'm starting to think I'm not cut out for this. When I was trying to be innovative you know what I came up with?

A fucking tray.

K so in my head it was a giant plate. Ya and it also hit me how stupid I was. I mean a cup melded into the middle? really? Then are we supposed to lift up the whole shit while the food is fed to the floor? Fine maybe it can be a soup bowl. BUT ISNT THIS ALRDY CREATED OR SMTH? It's a fucking tray.

Take a tray and put all this shit in.

Actually with some modification this could work for lazy fucks like me hahahahahaa. I'll call it, "Tray V2.0"

I was surfing the net early this afternoon and came across an advice that suits my situation now, "Basically, don't be stupid"

Random Junk I Found In My Trunk

2011-04-30T16:13:00.005+08:00

As promised,

These are some of the random things I've found while cleaning out my drawers late one night. I have no idea why the image is totally opposite of how I had taken it with my camera.

The grey rectangular plastic thing is actually one of my old air con flaps. The ones that were built into the walls near ground level and only available in the master bedroom. It was only in 2005 when my family FINALLY installed an LG air conditioner in every room. Which meant having my own room because at that time I would have nightmares if I weren't sleeping in a cold enough room. Hah random fact.

Had no idea someone hid the vintage game cartridge in the drawers too. 63 in 1. Those were the days. When we had to blow cartridges and wait for the longest time to load the game. HAHAH. I remember sneaking into my uncle's house with my cousin Vanessa just so we could play Contra. Man that shit was the best. We had so much fun that I peed in my pants cause I couldn't control it any longer. I was too stubborn to let go of the console. She laughed so hard that she peed too. God that room smelt so bad of urea then. Just like the studio in block M yesterday. Were the staff playing Contra too?

Contra

That white piece of plastic was a battery cover from a portable radio. Apart from all those I've mentioned, the Roller Ruler and Chinese bookmarks aren't mine. I have no idea where they came from.

hashtag today in school

2011-04-27T01:52:00.005+08:00

The first and last weeks of school are always the best. Things are easy, we don't have work to take home, no deadlines and best of all, lessons end way earlier. It's all about the transition from holiday mood to studying. That's not what i'm here to talk about.

Within the final weeks of my holidays, my laptop and computer broke down. This is probably the big ass confirmation proof to how much technology hates me. Fine, I should go live in the hills somewhere in Sweden away from technology. Rear animals, sit on my porch and play the banjo.

Again, that's not what i'm here to talk about. In fact, i'm just here to rant. Yes.

As of late, I've been feeling rather doubtful. I'm starting to doubt the definition of my happiness. People are making decisions for me and at some point I kind of hope they were because I know I can't decide myself. I don't have enough courage to make a firm decision. Then again, it leaves me dissatisfied, confused and looking for more.

There's no reason why I should feel unhappy with my life. I've got everything any average person would want but why do I still feel trapped/incomplete in a way? Like i'm not living it to the fullest, i'm holding back just to prove somethings to myself, to others. Also, knowing that I wont get back what I lose scares me. What if nothing in the future could compare? But by then it would be too late because I would have lost it then. Still, something is just not right.

All these it's been a nagging thought. Could it be that I'm only lusting for what I can't have? I'm so messed up. Starting to think that the way I think is really insane and senseless.

Epic Failure Sleeping Habits & Other Stories

2011-04-10T08:27:00.006+08:00

Last night I was so pissed about my unaccessible laptop that I went to sleep at 11pm. I was sick anyway so it worked. I thought

" YAY, FINALLY getting my bodyclock right"

but noooooo. SOMEBODY just had to be a total @$$ to get out of their room as if it was on fire and shine a torchlight in my face. By now your reaction might just be, What. the. fuck ?

Somebody might have just been lonely since it was 2am and no one else was awake. Who else but me would be up til that time of the night right? Well not last night!!! Thanks to that sudden light flood in my face, I eventually stayed up..til NOW 8.43am.

You know, it's not just because I need to get it right for school. I need to fix these recent blemishes. Call me an airhead or vain but don't act like you want pimples on your face, person. (unless you genuinely want it, in which case "wow")

So anyway it turned out to be a pretty fruitful night because I resulted to cleaning my room. Hey, if I can't sleep might as well do something I've been procrastinating about eh? Now it looks cleaner but not much of a change. Nothing as epic as I want hahahaha.

Then again like I've previously mentioned, this cleanliness won't last long. Someone's bound to put some shit in there because "OOO A SHINEY NEW CLEAN PLACE TO PUT MY JUNK"

Coming soon: " Random Junk I Found in My Trunk"

Sunburnt For Freshmen

2011-04-08T08:14:00.004+08:00

Ms. Ang told us yesterday, in the most casual way a lecturer could converse with us, that school starts on the 25th. WHICH MEANS WHAT?

An extra week.

FYI, they jump in all their posters.

My Room A Pigsty???

2011-03-29T06:34:00.005+08:00

I've been very disturbed lately. VERY disturbed at the state of my room. I've always been pretty disappointed and depressed about how my room is never tidy. Attempts are futile because I'm a lazy fuck and somebody's bound to put something in here to let it rot.

Many years back my mum used to say my room is intolerable, like a pigsty. I Google-d pigsty just to see how it really looks like and wtf, my room is worst. LOOK AT THIS CLEAN STUFF

Google images

I AM APPALLED. Therefore, no more procrastination I should throw shit away. Not give two fucks about my closure issues and throw useless stuff. Sucks when I always have this thought that some things like e.g. worksheets would still come in handy somehow.

Actually it has. It's always good reference for my brother and some people still call me for favors to lend them textbooks that are still compatible editions HAHA. I'm thinking of donating them textbooks. My family's never one to throw away things that can still be used. I think we're like the freaking Karanguni . Once we took a mini shopping trolley thrown near the dumpster. It still works after like 10 years siol. SERIOUS.

IKEA? NO NEED, the dump downstairs is pretty good too hahahahaa. My dad is the only one that take things we don't need. He's the one with the major closure issue (Major Closure *salute*) which explains the huge ass antique shelf i have in my room.

AND THEN there's his impulsive decisions to buy unnecessary stuff that are on sale and this annoying need to cover EVERY clear space/wall. That's why I have 2 other unnecessary shelves apart from the hugeass one.

Whatever. At least I still have space to walk (not much soon) and a gigantic, comfy bed to sleep on.

Image credit

A FAR CRY from my room (image)

Tumblr's endless posts about pretty Internals make me envious... Aiya depressing la

Hungry

2011-03-20T09:33:00.003+08:00

Farewell sorrows. Farewell aimless circle. It's time to pack up and go. Tired of hurting others, sick of being hurt. Bored of waiting for a fruitless goal. Some part of an exciting life may happen. Though it's gently calling out my name now, pretty soon it'll be shouting out 'Nicole!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'

WOO

I stayed up all night

2011-03-17T23:34:00.003+08:00

Omgggggggg its been excruciatingly boring after I've finished watching my only favourite Korean actor's drama.

I feel better now than the start of the holidays but it's only because I force myself to. There's no use feeling the way I felt. There's no use brooding over something that refuses to be settled. Its almost like there's hardly any point of waiting nor deciding anymore. Not when it's come to this. Anyway, everything seems to be fine there. Every move I take is as if I'm interfering the progress. It does look like the the aim for my decision is fulfilled. Right?

Sad how I cant spend this holiday the way I wanted. Nothing's been working out my way at all but that's just how life is huh. I'm getting bored at the way Life works.

With the exception of events and the mini trips from my house to the nearby mall, I feel like there's no meaning anymore, no fun. Everyone who I wish to spend time with have got their shit to handle. FYP, MIA, school, attatchments, ignoring me, moving on etc

Whatever..

Tonight I hate myself

2011-03-11T11:19:00.003+08:00

I've never hated myself as much as I have today.

I am disgusted, disappointed and drenched in tears. Fucking hate myself.

Everything I want to do, I realise is psychologically influenced. I want to shut down all social sites because I want to shut myself down. I want to leave the country, leave my house for awhile because I want to leave my situation.

I'd be anyone else but myself for awhile. Everyone just please stay away, I don't deserve company.

NO WONDER

2011-03-09T03:55:00.002+08:00

I think I know why people have pimples before a big event. Like you know a first date, prom etc It's probably because they've been stressing out about what to wear. Like I've been. (hehe conveniently ignoring the fact that I've been sleeping late)

I just love attending events. Events or not, I dress up. The thought of attending some...thing without giving careful thought about my outfit is just uncomfortable. To be honest, if I don't pre-plan, I'll be late. I would say the ultimate question I ask myself when I dress is,

" Do I want to be caught dead wearing this?"

So as usual I surfed the net for inspiration and omg I think Olivia Palermo is so underrated!!!!!!! OK maybe it's just me but seriously though.

images from oliviapalermofashion.blogspot.com

She's like a living Blair Waldorf! Speaking of which, I've been watching Gossip Girl S4. I absolutely love holidays. SIOK!

Holidays treat me okay

2011-03-05T23:57:00.003+08:00

When my face was clear for 3 weeks, I thought "WOW okay it really was a growing thing" BUT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. The pimples are back.

Enjoy your holidays :)

Ask me shit.

2011-02-22T16:44:00.003+08:00

ASK ME SHIT, cz you know that's what I created a formspring for.

http://www.formspring.me/nicdynamite

What up cool kids?

2011-02-22T01:29:00.006+08:00

I was naked.

In the shower, afraid I'd be late for exam. "WTF, i set my alarm at 7.45am?!" I had to be in school by 8.40am safest and usually it's a 1 hour journey. Lucky for me, my mum was awake after making breakfast for my brother.

My mind was blank. I just wanted to get to school as fast as possible and do that bloody paper I suffered so much studying. The exam period has elongated my sickness. By this time I've been ill for 3 weeks and today, the exhaustion took it's toll... WHILE I WAS BATHING.

some random google

As if an invisible person punched my stomach, it clenched and went through some gymnastics shit in there. Surprised by the sudden pain, I placed my hand on my stomach as I felt it churn. If it was saying something it was probably "Bitch you could have fed me something last night?"

At this moment, my head started throbbing and I felt it squeeze itself. If I saw my reflection my temples would have probably sunk in or something, who knows what our body can do right? I mean it probably looked like an egg.

My vision started to blur and everything looked like I was in a comic. Like all popart-ish and shit. My hand felt flaccid. What irony because I felt like the concrete tiles I was standing on had already consumed my feet. I deviated from my routine of massaging my face in circular motion with the cleanser to a messy act of just rubbing my whole face with no sense of direction. Now that was weird. It was like I wanted to remove my features or something but didnt have enough strength to. Talk about fail...

SO I closed my eyes to stop the soap from getting in. BIG MISTAKE. It's like I was being sucked into a vortex of polka dots and negative images (as in negatives, you know films). My hands were quivering as I held the shower head loosely. The shower head with its hundred mini water jets were going everywhere like a dude who doesn't know how to aim. My, now assuming its in the shape of an egg, head felt heavy and was pulling me backwards.

random weheartit.com image

"WILL I GIVE IN AND ENTER THIS NEBULA VORTEX?" FUCK NO!!!!

My determination to go all rage guy on the exam paper managed to force my eyes open and hold enough strength to push that mothershower head into its holder. HELLS YEAH. Then I cower into my towel and ran out of the toilet. Flung myself on the bed in my cocoon of a towel and cry.

No..I just slept for like 5 awesome minutes...then shit happens in school.

IT'S EXAM WEEK. Boring!

So it was my first time going through a near faint experience and I don't want to forget so I told ya'll still reading this dead blog. BTW the only reason it's "dead" is cause of school. Love school so much don't I? I KNOW RIGHT.

OK SO THAT IS MY EXAGGERATED DRAMATIC STORY.

Blessing in disguise?

2011-01-30T20:16:00.002+08:00

I've caught the fever bug over the weekend and knowing myself, even though my fever's cured, the sore throat is going to take a week to heal. This morning I lost my voice and it was difficult to sleep last night.

It feels like I'm downing a ball of crushed paper everytime I swallow, no kid. Those drug store lozenges aren't working either. They're just numbing my tongue. Swear my throat feels like it's swelling up so bad I might just choke if it swells some more.

Let's just say, if you don't like my voice then this is a great time for you to celebrate. Hurrah~

My retainers gave me a lisp

2011-01-14T00:44:00.001+08:00

Damn in love with myself.

oh my gawd

Its like david bowie man

THE END.

Within a blink of an eye its 2011

2011-01-05T00:26:00.003+08:00

What's up random people *internet high 5*! Hey what's new? Oh it's 2011. My last word for 2010 was '1'. The year transition to another as I swallowed my saliva. It felt as if we barely did anything right after countdown. Just a short chat and 40mins passed. Can't say I didn't feel suspicious about the world's lifespan at that moment. Then again..

4 days into the new year and things haven't changed much to be honest. I just ended 2 weeks of filming with some dudes from RP. Will miss them and their Grimace jokes but I was prolly too awkward for them anyway. Plus my double chin on camera, urgh. FFFFUUUUGLY~

Whatever pointless bullshit I'm talking aside, I hope this year will bring me something fresh. Last year felt like I was just trying to maintain something I already have. That's as simple as I can explain 2010. In 2009 I had a feeling 2010 will be the year where responsibilities would be heavier and that I would be put under a lot of pressure. True enough, it was.

I know I'm starting to sound like a fortune teller but I cannot forsee 2011. However, I do feel a sense of freedom and self righteousness for some reason. I also feel a surge of positive chi. Swear. The only thing that's dampening my mood is my monthly lady thing but other than that I feel... awkward.

It's never too late to wish anyone reading a Happy New Year :)

If LIFE wants beef with me this year, well,

COME AT ME BRO

ITS CHRISTMAS BITCHEZZ

2010-12-25T02:39:00.002+08:00

I realised how important the English language is. I realised how sad some people's definition of SIMPLE ENGLISH is at it's purest, most basic form. No intermediate variation of a word or else it'll all look like hieroglyphics. For example the word 'pretty' can only go as far as 'beautiful'. Anything like 'foxy' or 'dainty' will be too difficult to comprehend. I'm referring to people who have English as their first language.

Quite the irony, there is nothing wrong with that. Simplicity is always sought after eventually. People who use too much colourful language won't get far either. As my lecturer once said, " Youngsters always think using cheem words means their writing good stuff, when really people just want to read something simple which they can understand"

Well said, lecturer.

Still, I believe settling at such elementary level will do no good to our knowledge. The world isn't so simple and frankly, so is English.

Hoping this isn't too difficult to understand, MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY:) Stay clean.

woohooo

2010-12-21T01:12:00.005+08:00

source

FREAKING HOLIDAY BITCHEZZZZ IM SO HAPPY I CANT SAY ANYTHING. IM JUST SMILING. SO INTENSE. LIKE A FREAKIN DOUBLE RAINBOW. It doesnt even matter that I havent blogged in ages. Normal blogging will resume soon! Not that anyone but myself cares HAHA.

I'm doing a production now so i'll still be busy but none of that matters when it's holidays cause there aint no day like HOLIDAYS. hahah wtf wtf wtf.

ANNOYING FACE FOR AN ANNOYING POST

" I IS A UGRY DUCKRING"

.......

Carefree Times

2010-12-03T22:51:00.005+08:00

Christmas is coming, I cant wait. Today I wore my spiderman top to school and I felt empowered. This week told me I have to go. Where to, I have to no clue. I just need to leave this fucking hell hole. My base for Maslow's hierarchy is all time low. I'm sick of trusting people because everytime I do, they remind me why I don't in the first place.

Sick of people and our fucked up minds and attitude.

Speaking of which, I was in the queue to get my stuff printed today and realised how rude some girls can be. Such a shame to women. A true lady should at the very least try to be polite at all times. Don't be blocking the fucking place for your convenience while the rest of us squeeze to get our stuff done. We are not interested in your drunk/junkie week and which of your friends urinated in their pants in the club or whatever.

And another one cutting queues without asking while she was gossiping about a girl being "bitchy" cause she dont smile at her no more. Girl, please~ You have not seen bitchy. I believe in 'Ask and you will receive'. Ask to stand where you were standing so you can help your friend girl, ask. For god sakes i would have even smiled so your world is a little less bitchy.

Farewell.

Roll On The Wall Laughing Til My Pants Drop Off And I Grow Abs

2010-11-21T23:28:00.004+08:00

Only in wonderland

2010-11-20T01:43:00.000+08:00

nice imitation hazel

Look at tiara and white rabbit seriously.

Check it~My cousin's in town ya'll in he's in my house playing halo 3 with my bro at this moment. Alrighty picture spam was exciting wasnt it! Ha ha. For the last time, I wasn't hit girl, nor tigger nor a mad woman although, close. I was my own rendition of Cheshire cat. Though the only resemblance was probably the striped tights and mischievous-pervertic grin.

Side note: Go watch deathly hallows. CAN NOT wait for part 2 man seriously. Gonna book it the moment I can book it. Thank you TWM for booking it for us as a 'late night' movie and being equally, or more if i must say, enthusiastic about the wizarding world! So lucky to be yours.

Alice in wonderland pictures courtesy of google.

I hate tuesdays

2010-11-15T18:46:00.003+08:00

Do not consume food with sugar content before GSM on Monday.

It got me so high I think I embarrassed myself. Well that and I was so happy writing Queen on the white board HAHAHA. People who dont know Queen dont know what they're missing.

Yes, ok sure. I'm a drama queen :P We all need a little drama in our life. FABULOUS~ Seriously though, how do my friends put up with me.

Silence is golden

2010-11-11T01:59:00.004+08:00

I'm too forgiving. Please shut up if that's what you wanna say. What you calling me at 2am for my own boyfriend dont call me that often. All I'm here for is for you to turn to somebody when that b**** treats you like a piece of ****. She treats you like a piece of **** and you're stupid enough to continue doing her bidding and then you complain to me?!

Well newsflash. It's called karma.

So dont be saying you miss me when most likely the only reason you do is because that girl has got you twisted. Boy, please~

TALKIN GHETTO STYLE~

All Will Be Worth It

2010-11-03T23:32:00.000+08:00

I feel extremely pissed with school work.I might be stressed or it may just be that I'm tired. No momentum.

You And I, You and I

2010-11-01T22:29:00.003+08:00

You know what? Mixing music is cool. I've just been trying to get the hang of it for my upcoming project due next week and wow I'm hooked. Yes I'm a procrastinator, bite me.

This week is tense. Next week, I don't even want to think.

image by google.

Dont Put Me In Your Negative Space

2010-11-01T01:12:00.006+08:00

A question, why is caricature like one of the most suggested birthday gift? What is wrong with? I dont even? Nevermind.

I've been having sudden rushes of inspiration to blog recently but it never succeeded to be posted. All in my head, all in my head. Anyway, a few days back I celebrated Munirah's birthday. The whole plan would not have worked at all without the help of everyone who came especially Tiara and Faris.

Hence, a BIG thank you to all who came. Faris, Flinda, Hanis, Hazel, Shamira, Tiara, Weiming and most importantly, ~~ZAHIR!~~

MUNIRAH!

Tiara was in pain planning for 2 parts school and bringing Moons over to us. Let me tell you, Moons isn't the easiest person to work with after school hours HAHAHA. Faris just sealed the deal because when he came, I could have sworn I swore a teary eyed birthday girl. Either she was so happy her boyfriend sacrificed training for her or she was in pain because I remember clearly, she was rushing to the toilet after all. Guess we'll never know..

Today marks the beginning of a new month, November. A month close to the end of the year. A month that starts with a spooky end of the previous month. Halloween, one of my favourite commercial holidays.

Although with minimal illustration this post is nothing close to lively and you might just be the biggest fan to reach this sentence, I must tell you who I was. It took me a week to figure out who I wanted to be. Some suggestions were transvestite, geisha, Megan Fox(you have no idea hahaha) but WEDNESDAY ADDAMS I WAS! Flinda was a cross between Lady Gaga and herself. She couldn't really make up her mind until we were an hour into the party. Tiara decided long ago though. She was Bellatrix Lestrange from Harry Potter or Sideshow Bob for awhile hahahaha.

A picture.

The party was awesome as always. Bob's party is always awesome. I can't recall leaving any of his parties feeling like I had regretted going. I would say it's the great company there especially having my best friends around :) Nice seeing Flinda finally partying with us again!

Their not the cock ups, I am.

2010-10-28T00:58:00.005+08:00

Mid Week. Week 2.

So much on my mind.

Failure in life, already exhausted.

13 more weeks to go.

Awesome i got home by 1+ pm

2010-10-20T14:12:00.004+08:00

Ever felt like you've somehow lost yourself? Every once in awhile I fall into such a predicament. Right now for example. I feel like I don't know who I am, I don't know why I am where I am, doing what I'm doing, feeling what I'm feeling. Feeling judged all the time.

It's demoralizing. It's a pain.

Maybe I'm in a self conflict, unsure of what I want and stressing myself with my own expectations. I shouldn't be too hard on myself since it's only the start of the semester but to keep up you cant afford to do that. Mostly everyone wants to be on top. Some people hate the people on top, that's stupid. People like that are the people who create unnecessary office politics and make the world a dog eat dog one. Whatever it is, I never appreciate fakeness. Don't patronise me while inside your slapping the skin off my face.

I need to be reminded of who I was. I don't intend to change, I just forgot how to be me.

There is always someone better than you

2010-10-19T07:59:00.002+08:00

A big failure in the attempt of sleeping like a log would be I. For the past couple of days I've been waking up at 4am for god knows why and it's starting to creep me out. Also it's getting on my nerves. It's not like my classes start at 12 everyday :(

School's started and the timetable makes me feel exhausted already. Money is such a big issue for me now. So much that I even dreamt I couldnt pay for my own books and had debts to settle with people. Wtf.

It's making me question going to France.

I hate money talk. Evil piece of shit.

NOOO NOT YET.

2010-10-17T08:30:00.003+08:00

Whud up? I've been awake the whole night thinking it'll help with my what seems irreversible, messed up internal body clock. I'm feeling kind of drowsy now and feel like sleeping but I must not. I've made plans to fill my entire day til the time I should sleep. This is unhealthy for sure but oh well, whatever it takes to get me sleeping at night tonight for a first long day.

Bet I'm gonna be grouchy today. Those poor souls who have to withstand me :( Mummy, TWM.

As usual, and normally so, I'm not ready for school and feeling very depressed about it. I'm excited about the new modules and all that but the thought of school. I'm not a very school person obviously. Don't question, you'd be surprised(or not ha ha) that there are people who love school.

Unless you're comparing school to work then ok school is good with the holidays :P I suck. Good luck for the first day of school people or enjoy what you have left.

I've been thinking what I can do to fill up my time waiting for 2 hours tomorrow.

Oh, btw if you're not too busy do check out latenightbliss ;) Who knows you'll find something for the coming semester.

i spilled apple juice on my face

2010-10-12T21:58:00.005+08:00

WHY THE FACE SPAM~

School is reopening in a weeks time. To illustrate my feelings towards this event is this video,

Yeah im gangsta now. I fret the sleepless nights and the stream of projects that will come with the opening of school. The timetable was released earlier and all it tells me is,

" If you got a life, better say goodbye, cause the only life you gonna get, is school life"

I know it's lame but it's a timetable. Timetables are related to school and we all know, school is always lame.

I'm Pleased To Know You Feel The Same After 5.

2010-09-29T01:36:00.007+08:00

Surprise! Stip Tease*!

Daim Pie

Highly recommend

5th month was traditional but special. We planned to go out of our way to wake up super early(for me at least) on a Tuesday morning during the hols because of our bottomless affection for one another. CHEESE please.

Since I had wanted to go Giant recently to get ingredients in hopes of making my own sherbet like dessert , we did some research and had breakfast buffet at Ikea!! My sherbet dessert plan is a big fail btw, what's new?

FYI, Our breakfast spread totalled to only S$16 including 2 soft drinks! Very pleased indeed.

Chilling with beef jerky.

Hi flinda, i know i make your non-existent beef...jerky ;D

Behold, a promising science student from a local polytechnic,

Can't you see the glimmer of pure ambition in his eyes?

(or is he just happy playing masak-masak? We'll never know)

Behold a potential pre-mature uncle,

Uncle Waiming: Very hort leh.

Uncle Waiming: Eh farster leh go to the aircon place

Uncle Waiming: OOooOhh so it's an egg shell after all.

Attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder(ADHD) is a neurobehavioral development disorder. It's symptoms include being easily distracted, fidget and squirm in their seats, difficulty in following instructions, talk nonstop, the need to be constantly in motion and more. *

An undetected case of adult ADHD, Exhibit A,

Random stuff.

the only other picture of me in the whole album.

very hip i know.

sad.

OK OK now check this out. This happens to be the coolest bowl of all time. You can hear what everyone around that bowl is talking about even though they are real far away from you. Twm says it's supposed to be filled with water which will travel down to the pond below via a hole that a lot of visitors aim coins at now.

Hole in gold centre is bonus for coin tossers. Audience cheers when achieved.

Behold, gold hole.

Very eye opening, physically draining, heart-warming, surprising, grateful and special day :) Enjoyed every second of it in my heart. Thank you for everything baby. Great heart to heart talk too <3

As for the rest I know you died a little at every cheesy part here. If you did, good, I like that :) This is for you.

Sad attempt to make KoKo a tranny.

______________________________

So happy together and how is the weather?

*inside jokes.

Babes come back.

2010-09-25T00:27:00.004+08:00

Dear Ath & Tiara,

I hope both of you will see this soon.

My heart aches everytime I think of you both. At the mention your names I feel like I'm a letdown. As a best friend, I feel helpless that I can't do anything to improve the situation. Perhaps I've done all I can. You girls have put me through all kinds of emotions since our last conversation. I've felt empathy, rage, worry, slight relief ....

I'm not going to ask where you both are anymore. I just hope whatever it is you girls are going through, you're handling it well. At least better than before and better everyday. Be resilient. Always seen you both as strong pillars that no demolition ball could break down even with a couple of hits. You'll pull through. I wont stick my nose in your businesses. Please take care and know that I love you girls.

Fat butt

2010-09-20T06:09:00.004+08:00

I've been so lazyyyyy, well that's another story (like below). I was just reminiscing about the time Moons, Zahir and me walked home from Tampines Interchange sometime close to midnight. At that time we were working as servers and had no idea that our workplace offered transport if we worked past 10 or something.

We shared stories, laughters and opinions on what was IN back then. At a junction we split ways and thinking about it now it sounds like those good ol' times in secondary school when I used to walk home with Aths and Shamira. Wonder how I got the balls to walk home after seeing Moon's off at her area though.

Now I rarely bother to go out at night alone. For one I'm lazy and another I'm just more afraid than I used to be. Kind of sad if you ask me. I'm honestly puzzled at how I managed to walk around my neighbourhood past midnight and in the wee hours of the morning.

I've been sluggish lately and I'm getting quite worried. I never commit to any plans I make for myself. If I can't carry out simple things like going to the nearby grocery store to run some personal errands or sleep 3 hours earlier than I normally do, how do I expect myself to commit to school in the coming month?!

I've got to pull myself together ASAP.

My bad sleeping habits have always been around since I can remember. There is no surprise that my nickname used to be Owl. Seriously, I am a nocturnal Homo sapien species on this earth. I'm turning into my dad. Staying up on the computer all night and sleeping my day away not doing anything productive argh. I'm disappointed in you Nicole.

p/s I know my pictures are unrelated.

I.M.O in my opinion I.D.K. i dont know

2010-09-18T04:02:00.006+08:00

It's beautiful but it's not as glamorous as it seems,

The immediate phase that follows what is known as "honeymoon period" might probably be the worst time ever in the lifeline of a relationship. I believe at one point or another every couple will face this. I'm guessing most of us think our honeymoon period will last and last and arguments would just be a once in a week thing. That's where I've learnt that it's wrong. I guess there are the lucky ones who manage to keep the period going for a long time. Lucky bitches.

The thought of never being lonely again when you've entered a relationship is amateur and could possibly be a myth. Solitude like change and quarrels are inevitable. Maybe now in the initial stages of a relationship it sucks. How great would it be if that was how everyone felt about their relationship forever! Obviously reality doesn't work that way. Being in a relationship is great but when you're other half have their own plans that does not include you, it is fucking lonely. Especially when you're friends are living their own lives too but who can blame them? You're like that too.

Now, your friends would interpret that you're only using them because your boyfriend is away and you need to fill that empty void with their company. Maybe true for some? I dont know. My opinion on this is fucking long and will make this post look lengthy like as if it isnt already.

The quarrels, loneliness and love you receive is the beauty of a relationship I assume and that, is my opinion. Good Morning.

Addictions and symptoms

2010-09-17T00:54:00.000+08:00

I havent been writing because nothing interesting has happened of late despite being the holidays. I'm just making the most of it in terms of relaxation(sleeping.ALOT.) I can never have enough sleep and school only deprives me of them so what the heck.

Besides, there aint much I can do since everyone's schedule is really mismatched and people (including me) are going missing in action. It makes no sense but I blame September. Every year, September never fails to surprise us with unfortunate events.

On an unrelated note, i'm feeling suspicious about somebody. (no not my boyfriend)

I miss you babes

2010-09-07T07:25:00.001+08:00

If all else fails, i still have you girls.

Cooler Than Me

2010-08-31T05:29:00.005+08:00

In a stressful turmoil, it's hard not to let your emotions take over. Turns out I'm no supergirl. Seems all I need is a target to release my frustrations with words that plays an ugly acapella. It's no pretty sight. I don't know why, I wish I knew. I wish my mouth had a filter. Can you imagine my frustrations? I don't want my efforts of carrying that thick book that weighed me down more times than one, that almost succumbed me to fainting, go to waste.

Maybe I've set an unreasonable expectation for myself because of what I foolishly believe I could possibly be capable of. Silly girl everyone feels the same. There is no use of wishing for things that won't come true. It's hard to get through to anyone nor can anyone get through me. I'm a fucking pain in the ass. I don't accept help when it's offered though I honestly appreciate it so damn much. I am difficult.

I imagine you feel like a dartboard and my words are darts thrown by a novice. The pain is everywhere. I imagine you try to be strong to tolerate me and your own problems. I imagine you being helpful but feeling helpless. I imagine your confusion and your exhaustion yet maintaining composure. I imagine you as a modern superman. But, I can only imagine what you feel.

I know what I put people through. Sometimes I just want someone to feel my pain. I'm selfish to do that and ironically I feel it's an act of sharing. Oh and I fuck things up. Often. Always.

I heavily blame myself and my irresponsibility, my inability to prioritise and failure with time management. :'( Fuck you Nicole.

For the second time in the history of my blog (thanks to aths for introducing this hahahhahaha) ;

I'm Still Alive

2010-08-31T04:06:00.006+08:00

Someone tried to tell me something

Don't let the world bring you down

Nothing will do me in before I do myself

So save it for your own and the ones you can help

Want to make it understood

Wanting though I never would

Trying though I know it's wrong

Blowing it to hell and gone

Wishing though I never could

Blow up the outside world

I like, you like, WHO LIKE FOR ME?

2010-08-27T02:20:00.003+08:00

I like the following animals

Nicole Caraway said

*no wonder you guys have been attatched since sec 1

tn.ming said

*self denial

tn.ming said

*I m straight

Nicole Caraway said

*its exactly the same for flinda and me

Nicole Caraway said

*she's the man

tn.ming said

*im the man'

Nicole Caraway said

*you're the man?

Nicole Caraway said

*whose the man?

tn.ming said

*HE-MAN

Where's She Been? Who Am I?

2010-08-25T05:49:00.004+08:00

On Tuesday I tried my best to wake up and rushed down far away from home. I was really lucky to be on time.

Can you guess where I went?

Could this be the picture that gives you the obvious clue?

or not..

*these images were either creatively or accidentally taken blur hahaha

The Unfriendly Pedestal Fan.

2010-08-20T05:59:00.005+08:00

This is not going to work out at all. It's almost sunrise and i'm not in bed yet. Blame myself for waking up at 5 in the evening yesterday which isn't exactly fully my fault.

I hate my fan. It is because of my fan that I did not have uninterrupted sleep! It troubles me for so many reasons. One of the most annoying is that it's a light slap away from falling apart. Which brings us to the next problem, the loud, repetitive sound it makes when I put it on rotate. Because it's so fragile and placed at a constricted location, the area of which it oscillates is restricted. Either it hits the metal part of my bed post or it hits the mini shelf hence creating the very annoying sound causing me to wake up from my sleep, turn on the lights, adjust the fan and blablabla...

Fan, if this keeps up I'm afraid we might have to end our friendship. I am not a fan of you now, Fan. Maybe it's time you retire.

i wont be denied

2010-08-19T00:04:00.001+08:00

I would watch this because the lead cast is GREAT

Many Many Post. All In One.

2010-08-17T03:27:00.007+08:00

Late Nights with Mairon 2

oh look, new jeans.

wardrobe54.com

nylonmag.com

Who knew jeans like these had potential to be the next IN thing? Back when i was a kid I would get these in Indonesia or China for really cheap & now it's a designer label. Personally I wouldnt wear it. I am tainted by the thought of these jeans looking like something I can get from Pasir Ris Central below 10 bucks. It's not that bad per se but it'll make me look short with the details on the calf so neigh, a pass. Ooo check out the glitter thong peeking from that sexy rear ha ha ha.

Hello new cardigan !

ILLUMINATI!

werewolf man

TOTALLY ACCIDENTAL. I coughed and Zach sneezed.

TWM bought me a snow leopard cardigan. SO BEAUTIFUL. I love it. I'm gonna wear it all the time. It's warm enough in cold buses yet it's cool enough for Singapore's weather. Miss Low would love it. I mean come on, it's leopard preens.

AND VADS WITH ALL THE FASHION PASSION TALK? Nothing. Brrriing Whats that? Hungry? Over to the food section then, what up? (im so lame)

Chilli Crab Subway

An odd but very local concoction. The chilli crab looks exactly like it's advertised. Thin strips of orange-red much like the crabmeat we used to buy in our primary school tuckshop for 20cents except the aunty got really hardworking with the shredding machine and a packet of crabmeat.

It's not spicy at all and you can instantly tell its crab in there. Definitely something new. I was quite pleased with the eccentric taste but it left me craving for some red meat!! Then again it's just me.

See, more yummy, contended and happy faces when we eat chicken! This stuff is the shizz. It's the only kind I wouldn't mind eating with skin. They even have tofu shaped like an egg cut transversely. SO NICE! Craved this for 2 years. Idk, im a lazy loser :P

Even managed to catch the last of YOG fireworks on the way back. Having a camera stuffed in your bag comes in handy for impromptu stuff like these. Also caught a very unforgettable butt naked scene at Somerset within the same ride. Yikes. The image stays with me... much like the taste of chilli crab subway is still stuck in my buds.

Late Nights with Mairon

2010-08-14T03:17:00.006+08:00

Filming is a tough job & with a tough job comes a tough face. When you show no tough face, you ain't filming. Hence are my faces....and others. Darilene is literally the lady behind the camera ha ha ha.

If you're wondering what Darilene is doing in the first picture, we call it, doing a white balance. OH EM GEE SUDDENLY IM SO COOL. ha ha ha

Warmth, comfort and have a great smell...is what you would ask from a boyfriend :)

BUT NO

This sweater does a good enough job. HA HA HA. I kid...... or am i

Here's a picture of a giant banana because you're so nice to read my lame posts. Free giant banana picture for all ! You love giant bananas!

National Day, A Totally Belated Post.

2010-08-11T18:16:00.002+08:00

9th August was Singapore's 45th birthday. This year's national day was unlike the usual. I did not see my family that day and i did not see my friends either. I did however see my boyfriend . It was great. We made steamboat for dinner and watched the parade in the comfort of my home. Turns out making steamboat isnt that tough but it's tiring. I felt like an aunty.

We made tom yam steamboat. It never occured to me that i should have taken pictures. HAHA

Quiet party person

2010-08-11T01:39:00.006+08:00

Where my party people at?

Dance. Shots. Laugh. Chug. If you're feeling what i'm feeling you got the vibe i got. PARTY TOIME! Truth be told, I love parties and I love the feeling it brings. There's just something about the people, the music, the energy, the booze. The adrenaline rush is not just a natural ecstasy, it's highly liberating. That feeling of temporary, maybe artificial freedom, it can be addictive.

The way we can make friends in parties. It's just different. Unlike pfft orientations? You get to know people way faster in parties. The party people on the dance floor are the best. Dancing to the party beats with people on the same level of enthusiasm, it's great energy and great synergy.

I'm not talking about clubs. Clubs are way too noisy and populated for my preference. The private parties, the one your friends hold at a chalet, at their house when parents are out of town. Those are the mind blasters.

My point is, before i turn 20 i have to throw a party. I believe i can throw a bash. It's astrologically proven :P (contradicting i know, i'm a recent skeptic on astrology)

Now old farts, don't get your nipples in a twist and call me a wild child. Obviously there are other activities for saints that give the equal rush. Not saying partying is a sin either. I just like partying, what gives?

Rule of thumb, Women should never get drunk. Not when their alone at least ;)

Pull Focus

2010-08-09T03:44:00.004+08:00

Upon coming across a similar picture of Megan Fox showing off this particular tattoo, Zach went,

" You should totally do a tattoo there too and write a compo about your backbone. You know something like, this bone is higher than the other.. i have scoliosis"

I have some serious bone issues man. Braces on my teeth aren't enough obviously. The tattoo idea... I might consider

Nicole

Been Awhile

Nothing on

Why am I here? So out of reach.

Yikes

Im tired, I smell and I'm feeling sick of all kinds.

Keeping All of Yous Updated

Champion heartwarmer

Hear Ye' Hear Ye'

A Straight-jacket feeling

Terminological inexactitude.

Thanks ya'lls for listening to my first world problems

Pre Halloween Fail

Hello Ms. Pera Noid.

If you were a planet, you'd be Uranus.

Is It Just Me Or...?

Best Laugh of The Night

I Recalled Being Happy About Something But Now I've Sadly Forgotten What It Was

In What World?

Goodbye Buddy

:D :D :D :D

Came back, gone back.

Oh so this is it.

I Am Just Bi-Winning In Life.

Sirius Black: Until The End.

Possibility of the Impossible.

The Drawbacks of Being Single 101

Yummeh!

I'm a singing poet.

THE TALE OF THE EPIC FAIL

THE NIGHT IS YOUNG, WE CAN SHOOT A RUSSIAN UNICORN

HOLYMOTHEROFFUCKINFIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!

How Now Frown Town?

Obliviate

Whatever bro, I take it and go.

Sorting Hat Please

Elope

Been There, Done That.

What's wrong with the weirdo?

Rage Quit

Wear Your Shell Suit on Bonfire Night

Where the demons from my past leave me in peace

My House Is A Jungle

Fuck Nicole.

Something About A Birthday

I be at the National Museum Ya'll

Boy you got my heartbeart running away

The Awkward Moment

I Dont Have PE Shorts

What I've done

So Much For Bedtimes

Suddenly I don't Sleep No More

Entrepreneurial Woes

Archives

Random Junk I Found In My Trunk

hashtag today in school

Epic Failure Sleeping Habits & Other Stories

Sunburnt For Freshmen

My Room A Pigsty???

Hungry

I stayed up all night

Tonight I hate myself

NO WONDER

Holidays treat me okay

Ask me shit.

What up cool kids?

Blessing in disguise?

My retainers gave me a lisp

Within a blink of an eye its 2011

ITS CHRISTMAS BITCHEZZ

woohooo

Carefree Times

Roll On The Wall Laughing Til My Pants Drop Off And I Grow Abs

Only in wonderland

I hate tuesdays

Silence is golden

All Will Be Worth It

You And I, You and I

Dont Put Me In Your Negative Space

Their not the cock ups, I am.